Traumatic Event: 10 Tips to Help your children cope with Trauma

In the wake of a traumatic event, you may be filled with worry or sadness. Yet no matter how concerned or overwhelmed you may feel, as parents and teachers you have the power to help children recover. Your comfort, support, and reassurance can make them feel safe and secure, guide them through their fears and grief, and prevent them from suffering lasting psychological effects.

What is trauma?

Traumatic stress is a normal reaction to an abnormal event. Trauma refers to your response following an event that psychologically overwhelms you, often resulting in shock, denial, and changes in the body, mind, and behavior. The harm can be physical or emotional, real or perceived, and it can threaten the child or someone close to him or her. Trauma can be the result of a single event, or it can result from exposure to multiple events over time.

Traumatic events can happen at any age and have lasting effects on physical and mental well-being. ​​Children exposed to chronic stress or trauma may also have problems with learning, memory, and concentration. Usually, symptoms get better with time, but people with more intense symptoms may need professional help.

The effects of trauma on children and teens

Children who have experienced complex trauma often have difficulty identifying, expressing, and managing emotions, and may have limited language for feeling states. They often internalize and/or externalize stress reactions and as a result may experience significant depression, anxiety, or anger.

Being involved in a serious accident, violent crime, terrorist attack, global pandemic, or natural disaster, such as an earthquake or hurricane, can be overwhelmingly stressful for children. 

A disaster, crisis, or another troubling event can cause traumatic stress, undermine your child’s sense of security, and leave them feeling helpless and vulnerable.

Even kids or teens not directly affected by a disaster can become traumatized when repeatedly exposed to horrific images of the event on the news or social media.

Whether your child lived through the disturbing event itself, witnessed it, or experienced traumatic stress in the aftermath, they’re likely to be affected by an array of intense, confusing, and frightening emotions. While unpleasant symptoms may fade over time, there’s plenty you can do as a parent or guardian to support and reassure a traumatized child. 

Help your children cope with traumatic events

Using these coping tips, you can help your child manage symptoms of traumatic stress, rebuild their sense of safety, and move on from the traumatic event.

• Identify trauma triggers

What distracts your child, makes him or her anxious, or results in a tantrum or outburst? Help your child avoid situations that trigger traumatic memories, at least until more healing has occurred.

• Be emotionally and physically available 

Some traumatized children act in ways that keep adults at a distance (whether they mean to or not). Provide attention, comfort, and encouragement in ways your child will accept. Younger children may want extra hugs or cuddling; for older youth, this might just mean spending time together as a family. Follow their lead and be patient if children seem needy.

• Respond, don’t react

Your reactions may trigger a child or youth who is already feeling overwhelmed (Some children are even uncomfortable being looked at directly for too long). When your child is upset, do what you can to keep calm: Lower your voice, acknowledge your child’s feelings, and be reassuring and honest.

• Avoid physical punishment

This may make an abused child’s stress or feeling of panic even worse. Parents need to set reasonable and consistent limits and expectations and use praise for desirable behaviors.

• Don’t take the behavior personally

Allow the child to feel his or her feelings without judgment. Help him or her find words and other acceptable ways of expressing feelings, and offer praise when these are used.

• Listen

Don’t avoid difficult topics or uncomfortable conversations (But don’t force children to talk before they are ready). Let children know that it’s normal to have many feelings after a traumatic experience. Take their reactions seriously, correct any misinformation about the traumatic event, and reassure them that what happened was not their fault.

• Help your child learn to relax

Encourage your child to practice slow breathing, listen to calming music, or say positive things (Ex: “I am safe now”).

• Be consistent and predictable

Develop a routine for meals, playtime, and bedtime. Prepare your child in advance for changes or new experiences.

• Be patient

Everyone heals differently from trauma, and trust does not develop overnight. Respecting each child’s course of recovery is important.

• Encourage self-esteem 

Positive experiences can help children recover from trauma and increase resilience. 

Whatever the age of your child, it’s important to offer extra reassurance and support following a traumatic event. With your love and guidance, the unsettling thoughts and feelings of traumatic stress can start to fade and your child’s life can return to normal in the days or weeks following the crisis or disturbing event.

RESOURCES:
There are many resources available to help you support your child. Access these or professionals if you need more answers.
https://childmind.org/guide/helpingchildren-cope-traumatic-event/